So for the time being I am not doing “full time” ministry. Now before anybody throws out the, “Doesn’t every disciple of Christ do full time ministry?” card let me say clarify that I am not working full time, or part time, on paid staff for a group of evangelical believers who meet regularly in a building. (Just decided to cover the “church” card too).
Now there is only two perks to the current predicament I find myself in. The first is that I have no responsibilities whatsoever to the congregation when I show up on Sunday mornings. The second is that I will not be spending the next two weeks at a camp being driven mad by the swarming and sonic chatterings of the plague of thirteen year cicadas our part of the country is currently being exposed to. If it wasn’t for this “blessing” I would actually be pretty bummed at the fact I’m not getting to experience the beauty and fun of summer camp ministry.
While trying to stay on the “bright side” of things I began to think of anything else that I don’t mind missing out on because I’m not going to camp this summer. That’s when I came up with this list for you: The “Five Things I Won’t be Missing, but You are Going to Have to Put Up With While You Take Kids to Camp” List.
- Missing Family – Ok, this one is a given. If you have kids it can be hard to be away from them for this long, but the truly hard part is not getting to see that special someone. Unless your spouse is a co-director you won’t be seeing their face for nearly a week, and even if they are you can kiss smooching goodbye for the next five days. Until then life is some strange episode of the Twilight Zone where you have somebody else’s kids and you sleep in separate beds like Ozzy and Harriet.
- Repeat “Talent Show” Acts – I have said it before and I will say it again: These things could use a lot more talent and a little less show. Some of the things we will come up with are just ridiculous excuses for both talent and entertainment, like boys dressing up in girls’ clothing for a drag fashion show (which baffles me that we keep getting away with this due to Old Testament commands against it – Deuteronomy 22:5). But even if the “talent” is genuine it rarely ever seems original because I know that cabin is reproducing a Skit Guys skit or that I’ve heard someone sing “Jesus Take the Wheel” every year for the past five camps. I’m sorry, I’m just saying…
- Sleep Deprivation – Here is a simple formula for you: Take the ages of all the junior high students in your cabin and add them up together and then divide by sixty. That is the number of hours it’s going to take for you to get everybody quiet before you can even think about going to sleep. If you only have a room with half a dozen 6th grade boys you may get a decent night’s sleep, but if you’ve got a dozen 8th graders, well let’s hope somebody has a fresh pot of coffee on in the morning because there is no nap time in the afternoon when you are supposed to be manning the Ultimate Frisbee game.
- Awkward Crushes – If you are a young male counselor who still has most of his hair you will undoubtedly have a female camper develop a crush on you. Whether you find out about it first or one of your campers tell you that they heard from their friend during swim time that Jackie told them during morning worship that she thought you were cute…you have some careful stepping ahead of you. A couple of summers ago I had a camper come up to me and asked me if I knew who their friend “so-and-so” was. After acknowledging that I knew the student she said, “Well, she thinks your cute” to which I quickly responded, “Awwww, that’s so creepy” and then proceeded to run in the opposite direction.
- Awkward Romances – The only thing that is more prevalent than, and equally disturbing as, the previous confession is the actual summer camp romances. I’m talking about the kids from separate youth groups who meet at camp and by the third night’s worship service are all the dining hall gossip because Bobby let Suzy draw their initials on his hand with a heart around them. The only thought that saves me from gagging up my chocolate pudding from dessert is that I know in a week they are going to break up over Facebook anyways.
So there you have it. That’s my list of things that I’m not missing out on this summer. Did I miss anything? What is your least favorite? Drop a comment or Tweet to let me know.
